Old Emails

I have 2 email accounts - both kimbart777 but one is hotmail and one is gmail. The hotmail account used to be my primary account but now I just use it for when I am buying stuff online or registering online as they always distribute your email (grrrr - I hate that!!). Anyways, I hadn't checked the hotmail account in a few days to clear out all the garbage and so when I did, I was overloaded with over 200 emails from solicitors. So I just spent the past 30 minutes going through some of them and unsubscribing. (I promise I have a point to this .... ) While doing all this, I found some old emails from friends that I have saved because they were either too funny or just priceless. I thought I would bring these few emails back to life and post them, hopefully brighting your day!!

Girls Night Out:
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!..
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution,in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. SHIT ", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Fishing:
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that stuff?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I've stopped fishing.

Thoughtful:
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'